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05 November 2009 @ 02:09 am
 
my brain is just in a non-stop mode. i started going through these entries, the ones from 2006. It feels so odd that I have something that's been around that long. This journal is probably the only thing I've had for that long that hasn't been lost, stolen, damaged, forgotten in some way. But on the other hand, it's not really a thing at all; more a concept.

The only reason I'm looking forward to the broad future is so I can learn about myself. I really want to learn my tendencies. Is it really awful that I still have to learn about myself? And not just the little details - I have to learn the rock solid basics.

The weather's cold, and it's uncomfortable. I'm tired of crying before bed. They're silent and heavy so I don't bother Ashley. i'm single again and it's scary. I'm back to high school where I'll be the last person on someone's mind because I'm not a genious, or completely delved into politics and I'm not prolific in writing or speaking because I don't read books like everyone else. The only reason I started to try to read again was so that a) my vocabulary would improve and b) so I could understand whatever it is that gets people to read in their free time and truly love it. It's more uncommon for me to never read for fun rather than others reading a lot for pleasure. nothing convinces me anymore.
conviction.
seems like i need to learn so much just to be average.

there's no more beauty in me.

I don't see it. I don't know if I ever had any.
 
 
 
lust_tragedy6 on November 5th, 2009 03:02 pm (UTC)
Hey Girl. I know that still, after all of these years, we still haven't met, but I'll tell you one thing: Even today when I hear your name, just like in the past, all I ever hear is how amazing you are, how nice, and how everybody just adores you. And since I've never gotten to hang-out with you, there'd be no reason for people to say that to me unless it was really, realllyyyyy true. lol, why do you think that I've always wanted to meet you? I've rarely heard such good things about anyone. I don't mean to be all up in your business as a stranger, I just thought hat you should know that.

-Michelle